A Higher Call

Monday, September 20, 2010 8:57 PM Posted by Hallelujah Bird 0 comments
So I realize that my three blog post do not really constitute having a blog but for now I feel i need to not continue blogging for a while. I have been going through some discipleship with some girlfriends and I feel led by the Lord to totally fast from my computer. I will be leaving my blog for a while and also retreating from emails. If you need to get ahold of me please email josh @ jbrown383@gmail.com or call me at 469-223-4013. I am so thankful for everyone who read my few post and kept up with me through this.

love to you all,

jess

Two Pianos

Not much to write about today. Things are good just going through a rough patch with a lot of truths spoken into my life. I went to lunch with Josh today and I asked him for some ideas of good convicting music and he reminded me of a band I had not listen to in a long time: Cool Hand Luke. No, not the movie...the band...see link below for gobs of information on this great little wonder. They are not so mainstream, I wouldn't go so far as to say indie but you know alternative christian rock. Though my other half is more of the expert on christian rock than I. Wikipedia can enlighten you further:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cool_Hand_Luke_(band)


Anyway as I searched through their music and added what I desired to hear
one of the first songs that popped up was from their first album I ever owned “ Wake Up O Sleeper.” The song is titled Two Pianos. As I was listening to it I didn't bother to think of the lyrics and then it shuffled onto the next song. About 3 or 4 songs in I was back humming the lyrics to Two Pianos thinking what song was that where it said that. I searched for the lyrics and was amazed at how it spoke to me and my life. It was exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear. 


You say to yourself,
"Nothing will shake me"
You take hold of the world to find yourself.
You find yourself so empty.

What have you let go of and for?
What have you let go of?

You were a brother before you were a king
when you're determined what will you be?
You were a tower lifted up so tall.
We have to gasp as we see the height from which you fall.

You wanna hide beneath the pretty paint. 
You wanna be okay with everything.
You wanna be transformed and stay the same.
You wanna be dry in the rain.


I think through all of this the Lord is really going to rock my world. I am excited to see where I end up...hopefully at the end of the rainbow with a big pot of gold




until next time-
 love , peace, and the holy spirit-


jessicab

F.R.O.G... Fully Rely on God

Monday, September 6, 2010 8:59 PM Posted by Hallelujah Bird 2 comments
So, remember those cheesey ( sorry if there are some who love them...i once wore one myself) W.W.J.D and F.R.O.G bracelets? See Image for a lovely reminder of said bracelets:)
A lot of times the Lord and I meet at night. Lately we've been chatting as I'm getting ready for bed. I like to use this time to ask him answers mostly about where do we go from here etc... There is so much more to this marriage thing then I even thought of 4 years ago or  even 8 years ago when I knew I was going to marry him. You are called to be a woman of sexual and emotional integrity. In every woman's battle  by Shannon Ethridge one of the sections speaks clearly on this.  I will enlighten you a bit below:

Let's put this all together. for a Christian woman, sexual and emotional integrity means that her thoughts. words, emotions, and actions all reflect an inner beauty and a sincere love for God, others, and herself. This doesn't mean that she is never tempted to think, say, feel, or do something inappropriate, but that she tries diligently to resist these temptations and stands firm in her convictions. She doesn't use men in an attempt to get her emotional cravings met or entertain sexual or romantic fantasies about men she is not married to. She doesn't compare her husband to other men, discounting her personal worth and withholding a part of herself from him as punishment for his imperfections. She doesn't dress to seek male attention, but she doesn't limit herself to a wardrobe of ankle- length muumuus, either. She may dress fashionably and look sharp or may even appear sexy ( like beauty, sexy is in the eye of the beholder), but her motivation isn't self-seeking or seductive. She presents herself as an attractive woman because she knows she represents God to others.
A women of integrity lives a life that lines up with her Christian beliefs. She lives according to the standard of love rather than law. She does not claim to be a follower of Christ yet disregard His many teachings on sexual immorality, lustful thoughts, immodest dress, and inappropriate talk. A woman of integrity lives what she believes about God, and it shows everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom.

I am confident those ideals apply to every facet of my life. Especially when it comes to having children. I have also realized that having a child isn't just about the 9 months and the fun of getting there. It's being the kind of person you want your child to see and look up to.

In all of this I have been seeing where I am at with the Lord in my life and if I am really ready for this task. I so often look to others when I have a problem. I forget the Lord is even there. He has been telling me how much I need him and how I should F.R.O.G...He is all I need, all I want, and I surrender all to HIM!

So to wrap all of this up I really feel like God is calling for me...He wants me fully devoted to him...it is not going to be easy giving up old ways and habits but I know He is going to walk with me...

I know someday we will be blessed with a child....I am not sure when....but I know that God is with me even now and it will be his absolute perfect plan.

Thanks again for reading...

love love....jess:)

Hear the Sound of the Lion of JUDAH!

As I have pondered these past few weeks on whether or not to go on and continue with the idea of this blog, I decided today it may be a great start to some new revelations in my life. When I created this blog I really felt it would be a great way to keep me engaged with the Lord in a daily quiet time. I had great ambitions to spend time with him through my second pregnancy and blog about my progress. As most of you might know that pregnancy was short lived and we recently went through our second miscarriage. This is why you never saw a blog post from me ever.I do feel it is appropriate to educate you on our family though, so those of you not sure how to handle talking about the losses with me will understand more fully our situation.
Around 1980ish ( maybe later not sure) Joshua's parents decided to start trying to have children. Little did they know the Lord would take them on an adventure of heartache, joy and a new strength. She had about 4 or 5 miscarriages before getting pregnant with Joshua in 1983. Her pregnancy with Josh went great. He came out normal, no birth defects, and has proved to be a intelligent and successful person! She was delighted in this little gift and had not given up on the prospect of trying for more. After a few more tries and a few more losses they decided to adopt and the Lord blessed them with Joel in 1985. He came just at the right time and really was a blessed addition to their little family. She has had a total of 8 miscarriages...all of them happened before precious Jillian was born. This was the answer to all of their questions I feel like. She was born in 1991. And until she entered the world they didn't know she was going to be special. She is what you call Trisomy 22 or now named Emanuel's Syndrome. You can go here http://www.c22c.org/ to learn more. Through much testing and working with Children's hospital in Philadelphia they found out that Ann has a balanced translocation. Now most of you unless you are Martha Dixon or Josh Brown or any other scientific type may be confused at this point....so I am going to paste some helpful information from http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Handbook_of_Genetic_Counseling/Balanced_Translocation#Introduction_and_Contracting

Balanced Translocations

  • In most cases, there is no loss or gain of chromosomal material during the exchange process
  • When the lab looked they didn't see any missing or extra pieces of chromosomes and they therefore think that this might be a balanced translocation

What Are the Effects

  • Often people will have a balanced translocation and not even know because they don't experience any problems (this occurs in majority of cases of new balanced rearrangements Warburton 1991)
  • Sometimes, apparently balanced translocation carriers show some characteristics or symptoms (Warburton showed that frequency of abnormality was 6.1% but confidence interval includes 3% in apparently balanced translocations)
  • One explanation for this finding is that the break may have occurred in the middle of a gene that is important in growth or development and the gene no longer provides correct instructions because it is disrupted
  • We do not know if this translocation is the explanation for the characteristics and health problems in ______

What can happen in offspring of people with balanced translocation

  • If one of the parents carries a balanced translocation, it is possible for a child of theirs to acquire a bit of extra chromosome material or a bit missing
  • Either of these would be known as an UNBALANCED translocation
  • This extra and or missing pieces of chromosome can unfortunately cause serious mental, physical and medical challenges in the child who inherits them
  • Sometimes they cause a miscarriage, but not always
  • However, it is also possible for these same parents to have a child with normal chromosomes, or a child with the same balanced rearrangement of their chromosomes as the parent
  • Having a balanced translocation of your chromosomes does not mean you cannot have normal healthy children
  • Factors that influence risks (not applicable in this case)
  • Ascertainment - A family ascertained as a result of a previously affected child is seen to be at increased risk of recurrence since the in balance has been proved viable.
  • Risk of having an affected child is lower when a family is ascertained following for example repeated spontaneous miscarriage since in these cases the imbalance is more likely to be inviable
  • Each time they have a child, there are several possibilities.
    • they may have a child with normal chromosomes
    • they may have a child with the same balanced rearrangement of the chromosomes as the parent
    • they may have a child with an unbalanced rearrangement of the chromosomes which may cause mental and physical challenges
    • the pregnancy may end in a miscarriage

Tests in Pregnancy for Translocation Carriers

  • amniocentesis This is usually done from 14 weeks in the pregnancy and the result normally takes about 2 weeks.
  • Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) usually done between 10-12 weeks in the pregnancy, and the results take about 2 weeks.
So these are some things that apply to his mom....If you were reading though....which i trust you were ( wink wink) the translocation can be passed which is what josh was blessed with...and thus a possible solution for our miscarriages...nothing has been proven proven but we are pretty sure our babies have had chromosomal abnormalities and that's what caused them to pass on at 6 weeks both times.
Now that the history lesson is over with I can tell you from researching and learning more from Josh on what is going on with us the Lord has really helped me gain an appreciation for his special qualities. Yes, it's painful and it sucks but you know he was made unique in the eyes of the Lord and a chosen one for this genetic makeup so I can only praise the Lord for his life.
On the other hand, it is hard to keep waiting on the Lord. I want so badly to be pregnant again but I know by my doing I will only fail and it will be miserable. Josh is not all the way ready to start trying either. For us pregnancy is waiting to get past 6 weeks and once you do that with no spotting at all then we can maybe smile for a minute but until then it's too risky to get excited. Our hearts keep getting pulled in every which way and you don't know whether to trust the Lord or just wait skeptically because you know your odds already. So though it hurts I am ready to just keep going and get the hurt over with because the sooner the hurt is over with the sooner we are to our goal of a child. All in all I know the best thing for us is to trust God. 

I have been listening to some really good songs lately and they are such a reminder of the Lord's relationship with me and how close he really wants to be with me. Kim Walker Smith sings a song called "you are faithful". In the bridge or something it says " from the land of the barren we will cry out for rain fill our hearts God Ill keep trusting you" I feel like we are the barren people and if we ask God for him to provide for us and trust him while we wait he will be faithful to give us our desires. I know we are not alone , God is always with us he will never leave us or forsake us. The book of James says " Count it joy when you encounter adversity" I know for a fact I am closer in my relationship with the Lord because I have had to go through some hardships. 

I know this has been the longest post known to man...ha ha ha :)... but I want to end with one lyric from Jason Upton....Gideon Valley/Victory....

I don't have the power
I don't even have a clue
I don't know all the answers
I don't even know a few


But if I were really honest
And the truth were known of me
It might sound a little funny
But this is what my prayer would be


I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on You
I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on You


I lift my eyes toward the Heavens
Tune my ear to Your command
Help me boast in my condition
You're the God and I'm the man


Thanks for reading...I love you all very much!

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